When I wake up, I have a morning routine after the pills. This is going to be the last time I go into the backstory of what happened since my last post about TIDES OF NUMENARA which is called Pillars of Eternity now.. so Jesus Christ it’s been a long time.
Expect this blog to be updated more frequently, because the thing that stopped me from updating was going into what happened since I last wrote… but now that that’s done, I can write again. It was a huge chip off my shoulder.
So anyway, my morning routine involves checking the Steam Activity page to see whats new…. and there was something about ENTER TO WIN A CONTEST AND WRITE ABOUT WHY YOU LOVE CHRISTMAS.
And I did… and well… I got a lot off my chest. I entered to win Watch_Dogs… but winning isn’t important. It was writing this… and now me feeling like I can finally write again in my life after doing this.
Please note, I did not write this for the contest as a sob story. Watch Underscore Dogs is just a game. This is my life… it felt… good to get this off my chest.
Anyway, here is what I wrote. And i’m glad I wrote it, because like I said. I can start writing about the other things in my life I care about, which, if you care about my blog or what I write, will be Social Justice and Civil Rights/Video Games/Let’s Plays of Grognard Games/Whatever comes to mind.
Without further ado:
I would most like Watchdogs for Origin
Steam ID: http://steamcommunity.com/id/foabk/
I really hope this doesn’t come off as a sob story because it isn’t. I don’t feel sorry for myself.
On September 30th 2013, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I was 30 at the time… I was the Communications Officer at a non-profit that dealt with youth violence prevention, juvenile justice, and reuniting families that were affected by the justice system here in the US. After being diagnosed with MS, I went on short-term disability, because I had to go to the hospital twice before Christmas of 2013.
All my life, I have been independent…. and adjusting to this life-long disease has been the struggle of 2014. Upon returning to work in January of 2014, I was fired for having MS. I had to take the deal they offered (more of a bribe), because of the health care package they offered so I wouldn’t sue them. My former boss was abusive as abusive can be. Swearing, yelling, disgusting comments while I was trying to figure out before I was diagnosed what exactly was going on with my body.
I fell into a deep depression, which, is worse, because I am diagnosed with PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Severe Depression in general…. so you can imagine how getting fired for MS, from a philanthropy group (the irony!) just made it worse.
Dealing with MS is difficult, not only because of the symptoms, but because not a lot of people understand it. My only outlet to the outside world was and is still Facebook and the internet, though i’m trying to change it.
During this year, my mom and my brother were there for me. I mean REALLY there for me. Like I said, I’m used to being independent all my life, so you can imagine the life change of not being independent… from having my unemployment disappear, to having to wait forever in the US to get disability and struggle to pay bills and eat. If it wasn’t for my dog Jace, i’d be totally alone in this apartment of mine.
But i’m grateful for Christmas because during this year I realized how much my mom and brother love me. I feel their love. I live in Philadelphia, my mom lives in NY, and my brother travels around the country like a mysterious writing ninja, but this Christmas, we are going to spend 2 weeks together and I am excited because, as the year always winds down to the New Year, you take account into what happened in your life this year. And I have. And I’m so grateful and love my mom and brother and everyone who has been there for me and stuck by me during this difficult time.
So that’s why I am excited for Christmas, because we will all be together and have a fantastic time where we will love each other and have fun.
I’m 32 now. Every year your get wiser. I’ve always loved my family, but this time, I just realized a greater appreciation and.. well.. I don’t know how to describe it… an emotion of where I want to be around them.
Again, this isn’t a sob story. It’s actually the first time I ever fully wrote these thoughts of mine… so it feels good to get these thoughts off my chest.
My Steam profile is private, but if I do win (if I don’t it’s fine, typing this has made me feel like some weight has gotten of my shoulders even though I didn’t go into everything, like the painful treatments and the physical pain of MS in general and whole bunch of crap), feel free to PM me.
Also, everything I’ve said can be verified as true, as i’ve been published many times in Philadelphia and Pennsylvania and involved in the Philadelphia political machine. So all you have to do is ask my real name.
Again, this isn’t for pity sakes. If I don’t win Watch Underscore Dogs, it’s fine. Typing this has been helpful…. but still winning would be sorta nice too ;).
Anyway, Happy Holidays everyone. I wish you all love, health, and good spirits all over.
Thank you for this opportunity… like I said.. I’ve been meaning to do this for almost 12 months.. to type about myself… to write again (my ex-boss’ abuse really fucked with my head, I write about Civil Rights and Social Justice, etc, but she made me feel inadequate)… so.. again… thank you.